Ugly baby

These days I'm fat and ugly, but I was pretty skinny when I was little. So all I had to contend with was being ugly. How ugly was I?

I was so ugly, every time I played in the sandbox, the cat tried to cover me up.

I was so ugly, my mom got morning sickness after I was born.

I was so ugly, the only time I was allowed to take my mask off was Halloween.

I was so ugly, my parents sent me to answer the door every time the Jehovah's witnesses showed up.

I was so ugly, the day I was born the doctors came out and told my father, "We're sorry. We tried everything we could think of, but he pulled through."

I was so ugly, I was born backwards and no one noticed.

I was so ugly, the only dog that didn't run off the day they brought me home was the old, blind dog.

I was mean too as a child.

How mean was I?

I was so mean, they kept me in a box and fed me with a slingshot.