From proposition to depression

Bear with me on this story, it takes a little telling. So, I used to work for a different employer in a different city and had this one co-worker, "We'll  call her Stoner Betty." Betty was not an example of a stellar employee and she had a drug problem, both legal and illegal. Her activities kept her in constant financial straits and she was always looking for ways to make money. Finally it must have gotten pretty bad because one day she approached me at work and said, "I'll have sex with you, let you do anything you want, for $250." Well Betty wasn't the kind of gal even a guy running in a 2-year dry spell would really consider, so I said, "I'll think about it." The more I did the more it seemed very inappropriate and bothered me, so the next day I went to my supervisor. Now to set this up, my boss made at least twice what I was making, he was tall, dark and, I'm no judge of men, but I'd say handsome, the kind of looks about 90 percent of women would like...heck maybe all women. So I went to him and explain what had happened, his response was;
"Really, you too?"
Me TOO!? What?!
"Yeah, she made me the same offer the other day for $50. Were you offended when she asked you?"
 No, but I am now!!!!

I went from being slightly disconcerted to completely disheartened. I'm glad we had to let her go.

A wee bit awkward

Talk about an embarrassing moment. As I'm sure I've said on here before, it's been 8 years since I "got any nookie." Today I was at the doctor's office for this pesky chest pain, which may or may not be heart attack related, and they decide to do a bunch of scans on me, including an electro-cardiogram of my legs to check for blood clots. Well part of the scan has the lady running that device up the inside of my legs to check my major arteries. Well it was a little difficult to keep my mind on baseball and my grandma and I suffered a kind of stiffening only men get ... so when the technician's arm bumped into said stiffness, there was an awkward moment there where we both tried to pretend it didn't happen, but it did ... and it's been so long I'm still not convinced I didn't just get laid.

Ugly baby

These days I'm fat and ugly, but I was pretty skinny when I was little. So all I had to contend with was being ugly. How ugly was I?

I was so ugly, every time I played in the sandbox, the cat tried to cover me up.

I was so ugly, my mom got morning sickness after I was born.

I was so ugly, the only time I was allowed to take my mask off was Halloween.

I was so ugly, my parents sent me to answer the door every time the Jehovah's witnesses showed up.

I was so ugly, the day I was born the doctors came out and told my father, "We're sorry. We tried everything we could think of, but he pulled through."

I was so ugly, I was born backwards and no one noticed.

I was so ugly, the only dog that didn't run off the day they brought me home was the old, blind dog.

I was mean too as a child.

How mean was I?

I was so mean, they kept me in a box and fed me with a slingshot.